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.I thought&  She looked upat him. I thought I could never stop crying. The heart heals, given time, Tane said. Tears dry. My family are gone, she said suddenly.She had needed to say it aloud, to test herself, to see if shecould.The words provoked no new pain in her.She had mastered her grief, sickened of it; though it hadtaken a long time, her natural wilfulness would not let her be kept down.Her sorrow had spent itself, andwhile she doubted itwould ever leave her entirely, it would not swallow her again. They were murdered, she added. Ah, said Tane.He could not think of anything else to say. The mask, she said. I had a mask with me& I think. It was in your pack, said Tane. It is safe.She handed her plate back to him, having eaten only a little. Thank you, she said. For taking care ofme.I would like to rest. It was my honour, he replied, getting up. Would you like a tea to help you sleep? I do not think I will need it, now, she said.He retreated to the door, but before he reached it he stopped. I don t know your name&  Kaiku tu Makaima, came the reply. Kaiku, there was someone you mentioned several times in your delirium, he said, turning his shoulder tolook at her. Someone you said was with you in the woods.Asara.Perhaps she is still  A demon killed her, Kaiku replied, her eyes on the floor. She is gone. I see, Tane replied. I ll come back soon. And with that he left.A demon killed her, Kaiku thought.And I am that demon.She did rest for a time, for she was weakened by her ordeal.She felt more drained than she had everthought it was possible to feel, more exhausted than she could ever remember.The feeling spurred amemory that she had not come across for months, a random jag of pain that emerged to worry at thefresh wound of her loss.She steeled herself against it.She would not forget.Some things were worthremembering.It had been at Mishani s summer house by the coast, where she and her brother Machim often stayed.They had always been competitive, and growing up with a brother had left her with some hopelesslyunfeminine tendencies - one of which was a stubbornness that verged on mule-headed.One morning, sheand Machim had become embroiled in their usual game of boasting who was better at what.The stakeswere raised and raised until between them they had devised an endurance course involving archery,swimming, cliff-climbing, running and shooting that was far beyond the capacity of most athletes, let alonetwo youths who had rarely tasted hardship.Out of sheer unwillingness to concede, they both agreed toattempt it.The archery they handled easily - they had to shoot ten arrows, and a bullseye meant that they could rundown to the beach and swim across the bay to the cliffs.Machim succeeded before she did.Theswimming was hard work, for she was trying to catch up with her brother and narrow his head start.Shegained ground on the cliffs, but by now the ache in their bodies was evident, and their muscles weretrembling.Machim was flagging badly, and he barely made it over the top before collapsing in a pantingheap.Kaiku could have given up then and claimed the victory; but it was not enough for her.She beganto run back along the cliff top to Mishani s house, where they had set up a makeshift rifle range.Herbody burned, her vision blurred, she wanted to be sick, but she would not let herself stop.She reachedthe house, but the effort of picking up the rifle was too much for her, and she fainted.She was put to bed then, and until now she had never felt anything like the exhaustion she hadexperienced on that day.The challenge had taken everything out of her, and it seemed like there wasbarely enough left to go on surviving.Mishani chided her for her stubbornness.Her brother sneaked inand congratulated her on her victory when nobody else was around.But however bad that had been, this was worse.Her very soul felt exhausted, used up in the effort toexpel the grief of her family s death.She found that thinking of her brother now brought no tears, only adull ache.Well, she could endure that, if she must.It was not only the loss of her family that troubled her, however.It was the power& the terrible forcethat had claimed Asara s life in the forest.Something had come from within her, something agonising andevil, a thing of raw destruction and flame.Was she a demon? Or had she one inside her? Could she evenlet herself be around other people, after what she had done to No, she said aloud, to add authority to her denial.It was useless to think that way.She had fled fromthe horror once already; now she had to face it.Whatever was the cause of Asara s death, it would notbe exorcised by hiding herself away from the world.Besides, it had shown no sign of reoccurring in thetime since that first cataclysmic event.She felt a hard coil of determination growing inside her.Suddenlyshe resented the presence of this side of herself that she had never known before.She would understandit, learn about it, and destroy it if necessary.She would not carry around this unnamed evil for the rest ofher life.She refused to.Asara.She had been the key.She had spoke of a cause.They had been watching her father, hoping topersuade him to join them.And they had been watching her, for two whole years.Mostly it was because of you, Kaiku.Your condition.Condition? Could she have meant the cruel flame that took her life? How long had it slumbered insideher, then, since Asara had come to her two years before this condition ever manifested itself? Shethought back to the circumstances that might have attended her arrival.One of her previous handmaidenshad disappeared without word or warning, that was true.Was there anything suspicious in that? Not atthe time - after all, she was only a servant - but in retrospect it made her uneasy.No, she had to thinkbefore that.She had heard the tales of the spirits of the forest turning bad.She knew the stories of theachicita, the demon vapours that came in the swelter of summer and stole in through the nostrils ofsleeping men and women, making them sick on the inside.She knew about the baum-ki, who bit ankleslike snakes and left their poison dormant in the body, to be passed on through saliva or other, morepersonal fluids, hopping from person to person and becoming lethal only when it came across a baby in awomb, killing mother and child in one terrible haemorrhage.It was the only sense she could make.There was something within, something unknown, something thathad lashed out and killed [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]