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.If I killed her now, it would not be intentional,only a horrible accident.I would have to be inordinately careful.I would never, ever be able to let myguard down.I would have to control my every breath.I would have to keep an alwayscautious distance.I would not make mistakes.I finally understood that second future.I d been baffled by that vision whatcould possibly happen to result in Bella becoming a prisoner to this immortal half-life?Now devastated by longing for the girl I could understand how I might, inunforgivable selfishness, ask my father for that favor.Ask him to take away her life andher soul so that I could keep her forever.She deserved better.But I saw one more future, one thin wire that I might be able to walk, if I couldkeep my balance.Could I do it? Be with her and leave her human?Deliberately, I took a deep breath, and then another, letting her scent rip throughme like wildfire.The room was thick with her perfume; her fragrance was layered onevery surface.My head swam, but I fought the spinning.I would have to get used tothis, if I were going to attempt any kind of relationship with her.I took another deep,burning breath.I watched her sleeping until the sun rose behind the eastern clouds, plotting andbreathing.I got home just after the others had left for school.I changed quickly, avoiding Esme squestioning eyes.She saw the feverish light in my face, and she felt both worry andrelief.My long melancholy had pained her, and she was glad it seemed to be over.© 2008 Stephenie Meyer 111I ran to school, arriving a few seconds after my siblings did.They did not turn,though Alice at least must have known that I stood here in the thick woods that borderedthe pavement.I waited until no one was looking, and then I strolled casually frombetween the trees into the lot full of parked cars.I heard Bella s truck rumbling around the corner, and I paused behind a Suburban,where I could watch without being seen.She drove into the lot, glaring at my Volvo for a long moment before she parkedin one of the most distant spaces, a frown on her face.It was strange to remember that she was probably still angry with me, and withgood reason.I wanted to laugh at myself or kick myself.All my plotting and planning wasentirely moot if she didn t care for me, too, wasn t it? Her dream could have been aboutsomething completely random.I was such an arrogant fool.Well, it was so much the better for her if she didn t care for me.That wouldn tstop me from pursuing her, but I would give her fair warning as I pursued.I owed herthat.I walked silently forward, wondering how best to approach her.She made it easy.Her truck key slipped through her fingers as she got out, andfell into a deep puddle.She reached down, but I got to it first, retrieving it before she had to put herfingers in the cold water.I leaned back against her truck as she started and then straightened up. How do you do that? she demanded.Yes, she was still angry.I offered her the key. Do what?She held her hand out, and I dropped the key in her palm.I took a deep breath,pulling in her scent. Appear out of thin air, she clarified. Bella, it s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant. The words werewry, almost a joke.Was there anything she didn t see?© 2008 Stephenie Meyer112Did she hear how my voice wrapped around her name like a caress?She glared at me, not appreciating my humor.Her heartbeat sped from anger?From fear? After a moment, she looked down. Why the traffic jam last night? she asked without meeting my eyes. I thoughtyou were supposed to be pretending I don t exist, not irritating me to death.Still very angry.It was going to take some effort to make things right with her.Iremembered my resolve to be truthful with her& That was for Tyler s sake, not mine.I had to give him his chance. And then Ilaughed.I couldn t help it, thinking of her expression yesterday. You  she gasped, and then broke off, appearing to be too furious to finish.There it was that same expression.I choked back another laugh.She was mad enoughalready. And I m not pretending you don t exist, I finished.It was right to keep thiscasual, teasing.She would not understand if I let her see how I really felt.I wouldfrighten her.I had to keep my feelings in check, keep things light& So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler s van didn t do the job?A quick flash of anger pulsed through me.Could she honestly believe that?It was irrational for me to be so affronted she didn t know of the transformationthat had happened in the night.But I was angry all the same. Bella, you are utterly absurd, I snapped.Her face flushed, and she turned her back on me.She began to walk away.Remorse.I had no right to my anger. Wait, I pleaded.She did not stop, so I followed after her. I m sorry, that was rude.I m not saying it isn t true  it was absurd to imaginethat I wanted her harmed in any way  but it was rude to say it, anyway. Why won t you leave me alone?Believe me, I wanted to say.I ve tried.Oh, and also, I m wretchedly in love with you.Keep it light.© 2008 Stephenie Meyer 113 I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me. A course of action hadjust occurred to me, and I laughed. Do you have a multiple personality disorder? she asked.It must seem that way.My mood was erratic, so many new emotions coursingthrough me. You re doing it again, I pointed out.She sighed. Fine then.What do you want to ask? I was wondering if, a week from Saturday&  I watched the shock cross her face,and choked back another laugh. You know, the day of the spring dance She cut me off, finally returning her eyes to mine. Are you trying to be funny?Yes. Will you let me finish?She waited in silence, her teeth pressing into her soft lower lip.That sight distracted me for a second.Strange, unfamiliar reactions stirred deepin my forgotten human core.I tried to shake them off so I could play my role. I heard you say that you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering ifyou wanted a ride? I offered.I d realized that, better than just questioning her about herplans, I might share them.She stared at me blankly. What? Do you want a ride to Seattle? Alone in a car with her my throat burned atthe thought.I took a deep breath.Get used to it. With who? she asked, her eyes wide and bewildered again. Myself, obviously, I said slowly. Why?Was it really such as shock that I would want her company? She must haveapplied the worst possible meaning to my past behavior. Well, I said as casually as possible,  I was planning to go to Seattle in the nextfew weeks, and, to be honest, I m not sure if your truck can make it. It seemed safer totease her than to allow myself to be serious. My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern, she said in thesame surprised voice.She started walking again.I kept pace with her.She hadn t really said no, so I pressed that advantage.© 2008 Stephenie Meyer114Would she say no? What would I do if she did? But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas? I don t see how that is any of your business, she grumbled [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]