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.”“Okay.”“Three.” Claudius gave a sharp jerk, and I felt the joint click into place.The lingering pain just faded, but the weakness remained.There was a slight tingling in my fingertips.I flexed my hand.Shade leapt off the pillow and came around my side, brushing against me with her softness.Then she walked to my lap and plopped down, still as a lap-sized kitty, thank God.“Armanita explained her understanding of how you were injured.I will get it from you later.There is another pressing issue we have to address.” Carefully, he eased me back until my upper torso was lying on his chest.His arm came around me, and he hugged me to him gently, looking out for my shoulder as he cuddled me.His words were a soft whisper over my shoulder.“Now…explain who was in the alley.”How can I give answers to something I hadn’t figured out yet? “I can’t…”Claudius stared down at me, those icy blue eyes searching for my tell-tale signs of lying.I only had theories, and I still needed to talk to Armanita about the Hand of Light.“You have a new nickname amongst your Loyal—Azrael the Bloody.”“Azrael the Bloody?”He pulled me tighter and took a deep breath.I could feel Shade’s kitty eyes staring up at me from my lap.The slight erection Claudius had started faded with the pain of resetting my shoulder, so Shade’s current position was not lumpy.The fact that she was quiet made me a little uneasy.Claudius set his chin on the top of my head.I narrowed my eyes but kept quiet.If Father weren’t going to rush the situation, we were taking a slow boat to China.No amount of pleading or wheedling was going to change his pace.“I wish I could just take you back to the forest, my son.It is hard to watch this again; this…fracturing.Marcus was bad enough, but for some reason, it is worse seeing it start in you.”Fracturing? “What are you talking about?”Shade finally started talking to me.Coping skills.Too much is happening too fast, and you are trying so hard to play catch up, Xavier.Your psyche is creating ways for you to do that.Sex was made to deal with the perverted shit HE put you through.When I got my whore on…well, I was a whore.If I suddenly got the name Azrael the Bloody, there was no way that it was me or even a ramped–up, deviant me.That was not a whore in the alley, based on the amount of blood that was on me.Wait a minute.Are you saying that Sex isn’t me? What the hell does that mean? And this Azrael?Shade stood up and reached a paw up towards my face.Sex is, and he isn’t.The same with Azrael.Sex was created to help you survive the sexual torture of your last human year.This Azrael is the total opposite of Sex.This one is some kind of scary.I think he is the coldness you can get when you have to work.I think he was truly formed when you went on that rampage at the rave.You are capable of carnage, Xavier, but you are not an indiscriminant killer.This one is, and he does it without remorse.Be careful with him.I tried to take a deep, calming breath that ended up being a sucking half-cry.Claudius just squeezed me tighter.Azrael is me?A part of you.I know you are a crier, Xavier.It’s your way.Oh, don’t bother to deny it, you do.You are normally so considerate of others, but you can get dark at the drop of a hat.This guy is darker than you.Did you cry for the six men in the alley that got hit with the Hand of Light?Six? I used the Hand of Light on six…humans? That was overkill.No, they deserved it.Shade was continuing to speak.Did I just hear? No…no?Did you cry for that one when Azrael ripped his throat out?What? Oh my God.Was that why there was so much blood? I ripped…no, he ripped a man’s throat out.Marcus needed blood, and it was the only way to get it.Okay, I was definitely hearing that.My breathing began to speed up.No, you didn’t cry for those men because they attacked Marcus, and through Marcus, Azrael.But it was you who cried when Marcus begged Azrael to stop, and he didn’t.You cried and had an emotional breakdown because Azrael raped your lover and because he liked it, despite his cries for you to stop.That voice rang clear in my head.That voice? It was mine.I didn’t rape him, I claimed him.You already decided that you wanted Armor, so I took what you threw away.He likes pain.He understands it.So do I.My breathing moved into hyperventilation.“Breathe, Xavier.Concentrate on each breath.” Claudius began to coach me back from a full-blown panic attack.I was reaching for straws in a hurricane-force storm.So this wasn’t because I was using the Hand of Light on an empty tank?It didn’t help.By the way, Claudius doesn’t know about the non-con, and it is in your best interests if you want to keep breathing not to tell him.Shade offered a dire warning.My voice was barely a whisper, “Okay.”Azrael is a part of you that is needed now.He will do the things you are not capable of.Yet, he isn’t you.Just the same as Sex isn’t you.Don’t take on their actions, Xavier.They will destroy you.That’s why they are both here, Sex and Azrael.They are here to make sure you survive, and at the same time, they both want their share of the spotlight.Shade was bombarding me with truth.Didn’t mean I had to like it.Didn’t mean I couldn’t pull an ostrich and deny it.But if I did?“I hurt him.” Would I do it again?No, you didn’t.Azrael did.Claudius continued on, stroking my hair.“Yes, I wanted to find out about that.Whatever you did, you made Marcus very happy.You should do that more often.He has started playing the violin again.I had forgotten how good he is.He was a little rusty, but it came back to him quickly.“Oh my God.Tears started leaking out of my eyes.Damn it, I am a crier, and I didn’t have the right to cry.Marcus is meant for me.Don’t touch him again, Xavier.What the hell? I just threatened myself.SixteenThe Hours Before the Day of ReckoningShade said I was the crier, so here I was, exerting my personality.Oh God.I’m a sex maniac and a…maniac.And a wuss.I blinked.Great, I’m being threatened and picked on at the same time.Claudius shifted me onto the bed and stroked my hair in a soothing manner.My body ached, and I felt weak.“You should be comforting Marcus,” I muttered lowly.“He does not need it, Little Blue.You do.As I have said, he is very happy and more contented than I have seen him in a while.I have asked him to play for us tonight at your Introduction.”Tonight? “No, it’s tomorrow.”Claudius tilted my head back.“The Introduction party is tonight.You have been out for a day and a half, Xavier, and you still are not healed fully.I can feel your pain seeping out through your shield.You need to strengthen it.”Too much, too fast.You crashed.You crashed hard.Shade’s tail came up and stroked the side of my face.Even though it felt good to lay there on Claudius, I pushed myself upright [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]