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.That doesn t mean disobeying your mind, like a child who puts beans in her nose as soon as she stold not to.In that case, your mind is still in control; it s just the form that has changed (this is why wesay that neither rebelliousness nor compliance are, at their core, forms of independence).It means notic-ing all of these mental events and simply picking one of the letters, with these reasons, but neither for noragainst these reasons.Minds hate this exercise! Minds can t understand it because minds generate and apply verbal rea-sons to all alternatives.But humans can do this.That s because humans are more than their verbalrepertoire.This small exercise was done with a meaningless choice.Values, however, are anything but mean-ingless.So the chatter will be louder, and the reasons will be stronger.But the action will be the same.We can be about anything we want to be about.Who can stop us?WHAT VALUES ARE AND ARE NOTIn the next two chapters you will explore your values in some detail, and you will learn how to becomeclearer on what you want them to be.In this chapter, we are simply describing what values are and whatthey are not.This relatively wordy task is worth doing because the process of valuing is hard for minds tounderstand.Values go beyond words, but minds try to claim them, and if we are not careful, they canbecome distorted to fit with the ordinary evaluative and predictive relations that our verbal word machineknows how to use.What Are Values? 159Values Are Not GoalsGoals are the things you can obtain while walking a valued path.Goals are concrete achievableevents, situations, or objects.They can be completed, possessed, or finished.Goals are not the same asdirections.If goals are confused with directions, once they have been achieved, progress must neces-sarily stop.This actually happens all the time, which is one reason why depression sometimes follows getting adegree, getting married, or getting a promotion at work.If, say, getting a degree is an end in itself, thereis likely to be an enormous loss of life direction immediately after graduation.Someone who gets a degreeas an end in itself, or as a way to reach still other goals (for example, feeling better about herself) mayonly be mocked by her achievement.Goals are wonderful and empowering once the distinction between goals and values is clear.Itsometimes helps (after a direction is chosen) to focus on goals as a way of keeping on track.If you arestanding in a valley surrounded by mountains, hills, trees, and rock formations with only a compass, itmay help to sight along your chosen direction to a prominent landmark and then head for that.There isa competitive sport called  orienteering that relies heavily on this process: participants find their wayfrom point to point on a map, usually using a compass and natural or manmade objects to provide ananchor for that direction.Similarly, a person who values, say, helping others, might get a degree to be in a better position tohelp others.Immediately after getting the degree there will be lots of interesting and vital things to dothat are not about the degree but about the value, that of helping others.If you are using goals in that way, it helps to have goals close enough to be seen and achievable, butfar enough away to be useful.A goal that is an inch in front of your foot will help you get started, but asyou learn to move, it won t be very effective in helping you  orienteer in your life.Conversely, a goalsomewhere on the other side of a mountain range won t help you maintain your direction.In the sameway, it usually makes sense to set concrete, short-term goals to get going, but then, as you learn to move,to set more medium-range goals for yourself.Values Are Not FeelingsPresumably, all of our experiences inform our values, in the sense that a whole person makes thechoices.Sometimes that means there are feelings that accompany valued choices.Over time, you willlearn the degree to which feelings can help you know when you are living in accord with your values.Forexample, many people feel a sense of vitality when their actions line up with their chosen values [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]