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.“Good morning.” He whispered in my ear, his voice low, like velvet.His stubble rubbed against my cheek.My heart wanted to burst, I was so content.I tried to enjoy the moment as best I could while it lasted.“Good morning.” I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it.I thought quickly about doing some more cocaine, but pushed the thought from my mind.I had to save my rations; I’d need them after Grey left.“Do you want a smoke?” I asked instead.“Sure.” He answered.I had recently discovered the brilliance of smoking in bed.I grabbed my pack from the nightstand and lit two cigarettes, turning over and handing him one.We smoked in satisfied silence a moment.The blankets were low on his torso, his tan chest naked on the bed, his head resting against his arms.I propped my head on my hand and slowly trailed my fingers over the hard contours of his pecks and his abs in open admiration.He was so perfect, so unbelievably beautiful.I sighed happily.I’d never been this intimate with someone before.I’d never experienced what happened last night, to sleep wrapped up around someone wearing nothing at all, to wake up with them the next morning in a cocoon of total bliss and contentment.He’d held me all night long, and I’d never felt safer.I couldn’t help but wonder if anything would change once we did have sex.Would it be better? Would we be closer? I blew my smoke out thoughtfully, trying to imagine what it’d be like, how it would feel.The curiosity was driving me crazy.I knew he had to leave soon, I knew our time together was fleeting.I had to ask him, I had to know before he left.“Grey?”“What?” His voice was still raspy from sleep.I could feel the heat in my face, and knew I was blushing.“Nothing, never mind.” I changed my mind, I couldn’t ask him.It was too embarrassing.“What is it? Tell me.” He chuckled.“You have to tell me now.”“No, it’s stupid.Forget it.”“Mackenzie.”I shook my head.“No, it’s ….” I groaned and shut my eyes, forcing out the words.“I just, I’ve been wondering … I mean, don’t get me wrong, last night was amazing … but I was just wondering … why we don’t …” I couldn’t say it.“Why we don’t have sex?” He finished for me.I nodded shamefully.“Yeah.”“Well, you’re a virgin, right?”“Is it that obvious?” My blush deepened.Why did I bring this up? I was going to die of humiliation; I knew it.“No, it’s not obvious.Not in the way you’re thinking.Not in a bad way.” Grey smiled at me.“Okay ….”“Look, Mackenzie.” He sat up a bit, adjusting the blankets as he did so.He looked at me seriously, but his lips were still bent in a smile.“I’m not in any rush or anything.We can wait until you’re ready.”“I’m ready.” I stated certainly.He chuckled.“I know you think that, but are you really? Maybe you just feel that way because you think I expect it.And I don’t.I mean, I’d like to, yeah … hell yeah,” he looked me over roguishly and smirked, “and it’s definitely not easy.But I can wait.”I was stunned.And relieved.I had no idea Grey was so … thoughtful.That he cared enough to wait until I was truly ready, that he wanted to make sure I knew for certain when I was.I shook my head at him in utter disbelief.“Wow.What makes you so … careful?”“I don’t know.” Grey shrugged.He took a drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke, avoiding my gaze, like he was the uncomfortable one now.“I don’t know,” he repeated.“I’ve had a shit life, Mackenzie.A total shit life.But I’ve got a chance now, to do something right for once.You know?” He met my eyes then, his burning blue.“I feel like if I do right by you, it’s, I don’t know, it’s like a shot at redemption, or something.Does that make any sense?”I nodded.“Yeah, I guess so.But … what do you need redemption for?” Though elated by his sentiment, my heart swelled with compassion for him.I hated hearing that he had a “shit life,” I couldn’t imagine what that meant.As much as I complained about my family and my parents, deep down I knew I had it pretty good.What Grey was alluding to, I had no real idea, only a feeling that it was bad.I looked up at him with concern.“It’s nothing.It doesn’t matter.” Grey chuckled and shrugged it off.“I just; I don’t want to screw this up.That’s all you need to know.”“How could you?” I lay my head down on his hard chest; my long, dark curls spreading over him.“I won’t let you.”Grey’s hand found my hair, stroking the soft tresses and running his fingers through them, sending little shivers through me.We lay together in comfortable silence for a while.I wondered what he was thinking about, if he were back reliving the memories of his youth that he so needed to be absolved of.I hoped that one day he would talk to me about it, but I wasn’t going to push him or pry.Grey was always so cool, so casual, he would never convey even a hint of trauma or torment about him.I had a feeling that all of it was buried, somewhere deep and lost inside, hidden in a dark corner that no light could ever touch.His life was a mystery to me; there was so much I had left to discover.It was odd growing up in a small town not to know absolutely everything about a person before you even meet.I loved it though; I loved the ambiguity of it all.I looked forward to learning everything there was to know about Grey.I had so many questions about the different chapters in his life, and could only hope that one day he would tell me the rest of the story, the parts edited for content, kept only to himself.His heartbeat was loud in my ear.I smiled contentedly.When Grey was ready to talk, I would be there to listen.Zack’s car idled loudly against the curb as the guys loaded their luggage into the trunk.It was a gorgeous day, hot enough to “fry a cat on a sidewalk,” as my Grandma would say.I stood back and waited, my arms crossed, watching as they packed their things.The guys were jovial and cheery, obviously excited as they prepared to embark on their adventure.But I couldn’t say the same for me.I hated this day.I couldn’t even pretend to be happy about it.I wasn’t going to cry though, I had promised myself that much.I could be strong; I was going to be strong.After Grey threw his last bag into the trunk of the car, he turned back to me and smiled.I forced myself to grin back at him.I was going to be strong [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]