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. Did you already eat? Just a snack.I wanted to wait until you came home to eatdinner. Releasing Adam, Necalli placed a tender kiss on hischeek. How did it go down at the harbor? The usual.I brought some salmon home.Thought wecould cook it up for dinner tomorrow.I brought pizza fortonight. He gazed into Necalli s eyes, wondering at whatmystery lie behind them. So I see. Necalli picked up the salmon and brought it tothe refrigerator.He glanced at Necalli s pile of books, sitting on the floor bythe couch. Do much reading while I was gone?As he turned around, a wide smile spread on Necalli s face. A little.Can I get you something to drink? Ah, some orange juice would be fine. How relaxedNecalli appeared in his home.It was almost like having a wife.143Christie GordonThe thought made him grin and shake his head while he sat atthe table.Necalli poured two drinks and took plates down from thecupboard before joining Adam at the table. What s so funny?He opened the pizza box and put a slice on his plate. You.It s just a little strange coming home to someone, I guess.Well,and having them wait on me like  Like a wife? Necalli furrowed his brows.He let out a soft chuckle. Yeah, like a wife. He took abite of pizza. I m not your wife.I m nobody s wife.I m your partner.Reaching across the table, he placed his hand over Necalli s. Yes, you re my partner.However this works out is fine withme.It s just a little strange is all. Adam finished his slice ofpizza and took another from the box.Necalli washed down his pizza with a gulp of juice. Adam,I m not sure about going down to help on the boats with you. Why not? Can you tell me what you remembered atFrank s? He took another bite of pizza.Frowning, Necalli shifted uneasily in his seat. I don t thinkI want to talk about it. Necalli&  Adam sighed. You re going to have to facewho you were before all this at some point.And, you re goingto have to tell me.Necalli glared at Adam. But why do I have to face it? Whydo I have to tell you? Why can t everything that happened inmy past be left there? Why must I be forced to drudge up old,painful memories and share them with you? You already loveme, no matter what.It should be enough.Stunned, he sat back and gulped hard. I-I m sorry.Don tyou want to know? I don t think it s healthy to keep thesethings buried.Necalli crossed his arms over his chest. I don t want toknow.He rose from the table and walked to Necalli s side.Leaning over, he took Necalli s wrists and pulled him up to144The First Full Moonstanding.Necalli gazed up with a mixture of fear and pain on hisface.He wrapped his arms around Necalli s waist. I m here foryou.You don t have to go through the painful memoriesalone. He placed a tender kiss on Necalli s forehead, hopingto urge him to talk.Necalli let his head rest on Adam s shoulder and fingeredthe folds of Adam s shirt. Every time I remember something,it hurts.So why do I have to remember?Brushing his cheek over the top of Necalli s head, hebrought a hand up to softly stroke the back of it. Like I said,it s not healthy to live without knowing who you are.I d loveto forget the house fire, but it s a part of me, of who I am.I mnot sure I d be the same without it.Besides, these things have away of working their way out and when it does, I don t wantyou to be traumatized by it.I think it s better if you rememberthings slowly and we talk about them, work through them.It swhat I would have wanted after I lost my family. He justrealized this fact as he said it.Pain stabbed his chest at thememory of watching his house burn, knowing his family wasinside.He shut his eyes tight against it. Adam? Necalli lifted his head and gazed into Adam sface.He held back the tears forcing their way to the surface. Yes? I knew some of them.His heart skipped. You knew who? His eyes grew wide,waiting for Necalli s answer. The fishermen, I knew some of them.I m sure of it.Necalli s eyes filled with tears and his face tensed. But it hurts,Adam. It s okay.Just talk to me.Do you remember any names?Holding his breath, his gaze darted between Necalli s eyes.Necalli shook his head. No. A tear raced down his cheek.He sniffled and stepped back from Adam, swiping at his face.145Christie Gordon No. Yes, you do.Tell me.Necalli hung his head low, turned and stepped toward thecouch.Reaching out, he snatched Necalli s arm. Tell me.Necalli jerked his arm away, shaking his head. No. In aflash, Necalli appeared on the bed, back to the wall, armshugging his knees.Taking a second to steady his nerves from Necalli s all-to-quick movement, he walked to the couch and looked down atthe books.On top of the pile was one of his books on fishingboats.He knew the book contained a history of fishing andfishermen.Bending down, he rifled through the books, takingin the contents one by one  a book on Indian history, a bookon San Francisco history, another on etiquette, one on castles,and finally, a religious history book about angels and demons.His heart pounded harder in his chest with each one.Hepicked up the fishing book and strode toward the bed, holdingthe book out in front of him.Frustration ran wild in his chest. Is this what you remember? He winced.He didn t mean forhis voice to raise the way it did.Necalli looked up at Adam with confusion and pain stillmarking his face. What?Attempting to calm himself, he took a deep inhale.Why amI so angry? Did he feel he was being betrayed somehow? Hespoke slowly. Is this what you remember? He flung the bookat Necalli s feet and paced in front of the bed, keeping hisfocus on his lover.Necalli gazed down at the book and back up at Adam. What do you mean by that?He stood still [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]