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.“Kind of….Who else have you told?”“No one,” Keith replied, baffled by my concern.“I figured everyone just knew.”Well, that was something.At least it was not common knowledge—yet.“What did Becca say when you told her?”“You know? It’s funny.She told me I was being stupid.She never uses that word with me.My mom used to ground her when we were kids if she called me dumb or stupid or anything.”“You’re not stupid,” I told him absently, chewing over this new development.Panic kept scratching at the door, so I let it in and gave it cookies.“Did I screw things up for you?” Keith looked devastated at the thought.I got a hold of myself with some effort and shooed Panic back out the door.In a strange way, I just knew it was time.It didn’t matter that Keith would never tell a soul or that Becca didn’t believe it.I suddenly had this feeling like the moment was here for me to have it over and done with.It was like hiding who I was and living in fear were the actions of a kid, not a young man whose father was proud of him, who now owned his own car and had his first boyfriend.I was also a little weary of having my secret constantly hanging over my head like a piano held aloft by a fraying rope in a cartoon.I put my hand on Keith’s shoulder.“I guess this is stupid to even ask, but you’re okay with it?”Keith gave me another perplexed look.“I knew from the first day we met, dude.It’s no big deal.”I gave him a big smile.“You are the best.I’m lucky I ran into you.”“Damn right,” he replied with a smile.I squared my shoulders and walked back into the house where the party was still going.I felt no fear, only an absolute certainty—they would either accept me or they wouldn’t.Time was not going to make it better, no matter which direction it went.Once again, Jen had been right, had been about everything.I turned down the stereo and asked for everyone’s attention.“You guys are awesome,” I began awkwardly.“When I came here to Buford, I was sure I’d died and gone to hell.” That earned me some laughter.“I had no idea I would find such good friends or have such good times here.” I looked out at their smiling faces; these wonderful friends of mine who had accepted me; all of the “me” that I had shared, anyway.“But I sort of suck, in a way.I didn’t trust you all with who I am, and I finally understand that I have to stop.”Austin was staring at me in wide-eyed astonishment.How like me, after all, to come out in such a dramatic, attention-hogging way.“So, yeah, this secret—which apparently isn’t much of a secret, I’m learning—is that I’m … gay.”Silence.Staring.Then there was a round of smiles and eye-rolling and a chorus of “duh” from my friends.It was the best reaction I could have hoped for, so I only smiled when people made it clear to me that their surprise could not have been less.Relief filled me at their accepting me, really accepting me.Then Austin stepped over to me.“And I’m his boyfriend.”That really got their attention.I was astounded by Austin’s declaration.It had always seemed to me that he felt his orientation was merely one of many things that were no one’s business.Shawna sighed dramatically.“Figures.All the cute boys are gay.”And the moment passed.We were congratulated and more smiles and good cheer went around as at long last, Austin and I stood holding each other’s hands in their midst.I had always hoped they would not turn away from me, but nothing was certain in life.It was wonderful to know for sure they were still my friends.All save one.Amidst the smiles and the laughter, there was one unsettling look of betrayal that made my gut twist.Nick was staring at me in disgust and disbelief.I watched in disappointment as he shook his head, put down his drink and walked out of my house.I did not go after him.There was no point.As Jen had said; everyone had a right to make their own choices.* * *I eyed the whirling blades of doom carefully.I plotted my trajectory.I calculated timing.I estimated the gradient.I looked for imperfections in the surface.“Oh, will you just go already?” Austin demanded exasperatedly.“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? If I blow this shot, you have a chance of maybe beating me and then you won’t have to take me to see Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist.”Austin sighed.“I never would have made that bet if I knew you were some sort of golf-shark.”I grinned at him, took aim and hit a perfect shot into the windmill.Austin groaned and followed me down the hill.He was losing very badly, a fact that perhaps I enjoyed a bit too much.Mini-Golf had been his idea, though.I had not even been consulted.In fact, I had been told that since he had secured my time for the whole day through his deal with my parents, he had the whole day planned and I was just to follow along and enjoy.Now that my friends all knew I was gay, I found my guard slipping dangerously around Austin.I kept touching his hand or squeezing his shoulder or brushing fingers along the small of his back.I was clamping down firmly on those impulses here in public, but it was hard.I just wanted to slip my arm around his waist as we walked or kiss him consolingly when he made a particularly bad shot.It was just too nice a day to get gay-bashed, though, so I checked myself before someone wrecked my self.Memories of the slow dance I had finally gotten at the party lingered in my mind.How right, how perfect … how natural it had felt, sharing that with him.Surrounded by my family and friends, dancing close to the guy I loved, celebrating my sweet sixteen—it had been like a dream.“So, I talked to my dad about Homecoming night.He’s cool with you coming over,” Austin told me as we moved on to the castle with its impossibly narrow drawbridge.I watched him taking careful aim.He needed a couple of very lucky shots to catch up to me at this point.“That’s good to hear.We’ll try to be quiet.”Austin smiled to himself and made an astonishingly perfect shot right across the drawbridge.His neon green ball was spat out a moment later and it went right into the hole below.“Yes!” he crowed.“Lucky shot,” I told him, laying down my orange ball.“Anyway, my dad is going to be chaperoning the dance until late, so we don’t have to worry about the noise thing.”“Oh?” I felt a little smile spreading across my blushing face.“That sounds interesting.”“I thought so [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]